Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize