i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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