just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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