my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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