I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
honey bunches of taint.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
