he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
