i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
