just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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