Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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