i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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