im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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