I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
