I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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