Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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