when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
