Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
