I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize