Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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