people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize