i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
