i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
