you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
