No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
