Your tits are I can't wait for
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
