I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
