i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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