Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
