Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
