R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
