If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
