I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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