I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
