this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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