So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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