Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
