Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just found puke in my bra..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
