If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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