I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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