...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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