Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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