We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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