My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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