I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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