I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The beers last night were like the tears from god
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
