this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
