fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize