I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
