2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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