I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
40s are totally the cure
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
