thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
