The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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