he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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