this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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