Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
