Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
