Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is classic penis vs brain.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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