I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
