Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
