atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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