Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
