I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
