Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
