I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
