My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
