Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Success! We fucked roommates!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
