that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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