I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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