I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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