there's paper in my vomit.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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