how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
