he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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