He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
