hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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