If that was your dad, he is hot
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
