Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
