A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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