How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
